Standing

I've had an opportunity recently to evaluate my convictions. Really, that's a nice way of trying to avoid describing the situation that lead me to evaluating my convictions. Both Dennis and I were a little blind-sided by the whole thing. Once the "situation" passed, we had a long drive home with lots of time to replay it in our heads. I was trying to sort it out. Sometimes I don't know how I feel about a "situation" immediately. I knew I didn't like how it made me feel, but the rest of it was still shockingly blurry. It wasn't right, I knew that too. Actually, it made me mad. It's one thing to have a "situation" with unbelievers, non-Christians. We don't expect a transformed life from someone who doesn't know Christ. But from people who claim to know Him? Actually, maybe I was sad. Sad that some people are still living in bondage and don't even know it. Sad that they will never know much of the joy that Jesus wants them to experience. Sad that it might separate us here on earth.

Five hours later I was still evaluating. It looked more like stewing, actually. It definitely smelled of stew. It was 11:09pm and I wasn't sleeping. That's no time to make stew. I was wrestling with God too, because I knew I should somehow let it go. But it was righteous indignation! On and on it went, sometimes unrighteously, to be sure. Then I realized that there was a song in the background noise of my brain. It was a hymn. Hmm. That sounds familiar... oh yes. We sang it in church that morning.

     Jesus my Lord will love me forever, From Him no power of evil can sever, He gave His life to ransom my soul, Now I belong to Him; Now I belong to Jesus, Jesus belongs to me, Not for the years of time alone, but for eternity.

Then the Holy Spirit spoke to me, reminding me that it was Him alone I should be living for. That "...anyone who loves father and mother (or fill-in-the-blank) more than me is not worthy of me..."  He reminded me that "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."

Dennis hadn't gone to bed yet so I came downstairs to talk to him. He was farther down the road of forgiveness than I was, and it was calming to work through it with him. At least things like this tend to unify us. We feel fortified in our endeavor to lead our family toward Christ.

I wish it was only the world that presented challenges in our daily following of Jesus. It shouldn't be others in the family of God, but many times it is. Either way, we wouldn't need convictions if everyone in the world agreed with us. We wouldn't need to take a stand for anything if everyone was traveling in the same direction. We would not need strength if we always felt supported. And I'm not so much talking about the little things. That may just be a matter of over-looking an offense. I'm talking about those big, life-transforming, eternally significant, weighty things. The things we might think every Christian would care about or at least agree with.

I think I'm learning how to never mind those things.  It's that whole Matthew 10 bit. That's the way we should expect this life to be. I'm learning that carrying the cross of Christ is hard, even lonely, but so much more worthy an effort than carrying around our burdens or offenses.

Now I belong to Jesus, Jesus belongs to me, not for the years of time alone, but for eternity!