Our Declaration of Independence

When we are first married the thought of coming alongside our husbands is a joy. They need us. We complete them. We so clearly see the beauty of two becoming one in marriage and agree with God’s design. We are there to encourage and support our husbands, to go through this life of little adventures together. The effort to do the work of being a wife is almost weightless. It’s so cute when he loses his car keys; I’ll help him find them. It’s endearing to know that he wants me to come with him on this errand; it will be like a little date. It’s almost charming when he gets angry like that; he’s a very passionate man. You know where I’m going with this, don’t you?

Then, with something like the words to the Declaration of Independence, “…the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of natures God entitle [her],…[she] should declare the causes which impel [her] to the separation…but when a long train of abuses and usurpations…evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is [her] right, it is [her] duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for [her] future security…”  (blah, blah, blah) we believe we stand justified in not coming alongside our husbands anymore. In an effort to save ourselves, we pull back enough to allow us to live our lives our way, and them to live their lives their way. It’s better than the struggle. We are tired, we’ve been hurt, we are overwhelmed with our other responsibilities, we’ve tried a gazillion times as it is, and when is he ever going to…

Did God’s design fail? Does His plan not work? It doesn’t matter if it’s a crisis situation or just the doldrums; we have to go back to doing this “marriage thing” His way. I am a wife (not just a cohabiter in this house). I was created by God as a female, grew up enough to become a woman, and willingly stepped into marriage, publicly committing to it. And although my commitment was to this marriage and to this husband, it was ultimately a commitment to God, to His way. Even if I can’t believe that my effort will make a change in my marriage, I can stand by my promise (while abiding in Christ) to be a wife who is honorable in God’s sight. I can strive to be a woman, standing next to my husband, who is beautiful to her Savior. I can put all my heart, soul, strength and mind into loving God, genuinely, and trust Him for the results it will have on this other child of God I married (my husband)– who is incomplete, who does need a helper, who was not created to be alone.

All of us desire healing and all of us need to be made pure. Marriage is one of the things God uses to purify us before Eternity, and God will hold us (together) until He heals us.